The Battle of The Sexes
by Laurien1
Summary: Ron and Hermione under go an interesting social experiment along with the other Gryffindor upperclassmen. Which sex has the harder life? We'll know once they figure that out, maybe everyone will learn a lesson in the end about life. Good fun, it is!
1. The Row

**Author's Note: I plan on actually finishing this story, although I don't yet know what the outcome will be, and I need your reviews and suggestions to help it along. I've already written the first 4 chapters, I'll update soon enough. Enjoy. ;-D**

Chapter 1: The Row

"Did you ask her out, mate?" asked Harry curiously. Ron was slouched into his chair in the common room and looked very tired.

"Ugh. Yes, I suppose," he grumbled irritably.

"Who?" asked Hermione, she had just come down the stairs and walked into a chat between Harry and Ron about some girl.

"Well, what she say then?" Harry persisted.

"Who?"

Ron frowned and his eye twitched uneasily. "She said she didn't like me and that I should lower my standards if I ever want to get a date."

Harry whistled in disbelief. "Who knew girls could be so cruel?"

"Who?"

"I know, right? What did I ever do to her?" Ron asked no one in particular.

"WHO?" Hermione jabbed Ron in the arm to get his attention and he stared at her like she was a mad woman.

"Why does every girl I talk to have to hurt me?" he rubbed his arm and Harry rolled his eyes.

"That damn girl, Mary Sue Parker. She thinks she's all that," Harry scoffed.

'That's because she IS, mate," Ron sighed and sank further into his chair. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed again.

Hermione laughed heartily and Ron and Harry shot her death glares.

"What's so funny, Hermione?" Ron grumbled and sent her another glare.

Hermione just smiled -- it was halfway between being sympathetic and taunting -- and said, "Ronald, did you honestly expect Mary Sue to say yes? She's practically perfect."

"So?" Ron snapped. "I think that I'd be a pretty good catch myself. She should be flattered that I asked her," he said loudly.

Harry remained silent, not wanting to get in the middle of things, but Hermione decided to retort. "Flattered? Ron, are you serious?"

"Yes, it just so happens I am. I mean, bloody hell. It's not like girls' lives are that hard, what happened to make her so nasty?"

Hermione didn't even hear his question, she was too outraged at his take on the difficulty of girls' lives. Harry looked from Hermione to Ron, a look of pure pity on his face. Ron responded with a look of deepest regret and turned back to Hermione who practically had smoke coming out of her ears. "So?" she said hotly, through gritted teeth. "You think that girls' lives are easy?"

Harry attempted to send Ron telepathic messages: "Just say no. Just say no, you were confused. Just say NO." but they didn't appear to be working.

"Well, yeah. Easier than guys' lives anyway..." he trailed off. Hermione was fuming and then Ginny appeared behind her.

"What've you done now, Ron?" She stood between Hermione and Ron, waiting for an answer. Her presence made Harry forget his futile attempt to rescue Ron through telepathy and he grabbed her arm and yanked her onto the couch beside him and shook his head no. She stared at him questioningly. He glanced nervously at Hermione and Ron and whispered in her ear. She gasped and was about to say something nasty when Harry put his hand over her mouth. "Don't get in the middle of things," he whispered harshly and removed his hand. She looked annoyed and squinted menacingly at Harry, until he kissed her on the cheek and she calmed down, then they returned back to the battle before them.

"EASIER? Is that what you just said? You honestly think that your life is easier than mine?" she steamed.

"Well, erm, more like boys and girls in general--"

"WELL! I happen to think that YOU are WRONG!" She appeared as if she was going to slap him when a few other Gryffindor girls from upstairs came down to see what all the noise was about.

"Hermione, why are you yelling?" asked Parvati Patil, accompanied by two curious girls.

"Are you fighting with Ron again?" called Lavender Brown from across the room.

"What's he done?" asked Katie Bell, she was sitting with Fred, George, and Angelina Johnson.

Harry started shaking his head fiercly at all the girls when some Gryffindor boys began coming downstairs as well.

"Eh, Ron. What's going on? We heard yelling," said Seamus, he stared at Ron and Hermione and knew that they were fighting.

"Ron, are you okay?" questioned a timid looking Neville. Hermione looked a bit intimidating with steam slowly floating above her head.

"Ron, what've you done?" asked Dean. Harry then gave up and decided there was no containing the voices and complaints of a group of persistent Gryffindor teenagers.

"Well," started Hermione testily to the girls. "Ronald here," she shot him a piercing gaze. "seems to believe that boys' lives are easier than girls'."

The girls all gasped while the guys failed to grasp the problem.

"How dare you?" shot Parvati. All the girls were now behind Hermione, glaring at Ron who looked deeply afraid.

"How dare he what?" asked Dean, now standing behind Ron. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

The girls looked scandalized as all the boys in the Common Room, the vast majority were between 5th and 7th year, moved to stand behind Ron as well.

"Marcus!" shouted a girl at her boyfriend. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Sorry, Melony, but I happen to agree with Ron. Guys have it way tougher than girls."

"WHAT?" came from the staircases to the dorms. Now, all the Gryffindor girls between 5th and 7th year (sadly, the 1st through 4th year girls and boys all had classes) poured down off the stairs and rushed to side Hermione.

Then a tall, blonde boy ran back upstairs and touched his wand to his throat, muttered a voice amplifying spell, and yelled up into the dormitories. "OI! ANY GUY WHO THINKS THAT GUYS HAVE TOUGHER LIVES THAN GIRLS BETTER GET THEIR ARSES DOWN HERE NOW!" For a moment all was silent and then the slow rumble of tons of feet was heard as basically all the guys ran down the stairs, along with a few girls who had been visiting who ran to Hermione's side, and stood menacingly behind Ron, who was still seated in his chair, petrified at what he had started. He looked behind him at the guys and then across at the girls and realized that they were basically at war because of him._ OH GEEZE_, he thought. He turned to Harry and Ginny who hadn't moved either and pleaded for help with his eyes.

Harry saw Ron pleading with him and discovered that now he had to make a choice, everyone in the Common Room was staring at he and Ginny, the only ones who hadn't chosen their sides. Ginny began to stand up, Harry made a grab for her hand but she yanked it away and stood next to Hermione. Harry's thoughts were very fluctuant. He had to choose between his girlfriend and best friend who was a girl or his best mate and fellow men. Everyone was staring at him.

"Erm..."

"Harry?" asked Ginny and Hermione in unison. He received begging looks from the rest of the girls.

"Harry?" asked Ron and Neville, shortly followed by Dean, Seamus, Fred, and George. The other guys stared at him and he could tell that they were sending him telepathic messages about guys sticking together.

"Erm..." Harry couldn't refuse the messages from his fellow men and got up to stand beside Ron, who finally stood up himself.

Ginny and Hermione's eyes widened but he chose to ignore them until Ginny spoke.

"Well, fine then, Harry! You can just consider US on a break until this is all over!" Harry groaned but all the other girls nodded and murmured in approval.

"Now," said Hermione. Suddenly all the girls whipped out their wands and screamed a jinx that caused all the guys to fall backwards and be stuck together in a giant pile on the floor. Several of the guys unleashed girlish yelps that caused the girls to laugh harder. It was a horribly hilarious sight, seeing all the boys entwined together as they were. Eventually one boy thought of the counter jinx and the struggling group stood up and began screaming insults at the girls. The girls quickly joined in on the yelling and the common room was almost shaking with noise and a few spells that were being cast randomly. It was like one giant duel between boys and girls, all over which sex had the harder life.

Ron was hit in the face with a bat bogey hex, most likely cast by Ginny, and Hermione was hit with a spell that made her hair grow uncontrollably. Harry and Neville were both attempting to pull their wands apart, someone had cast a double spell sticking them together, while Parvati and Lavender were spitting up slugs all over the floor while other girls screeched with disgust. One of the couches blew up as a firework unleashed by either Fred and George crashed into it, it's fluffy contents showering the people. Their were now fireworks bursting above their heads as well until Angelina turned Fred's wand hand into the head of a barking puppy.

In the heat of the yelling, screaming, spell casting, and fighting, a teacher finally managed to get wind of what was happening and rushed inside to put a stop to it.

"EVERYONE, SETTLE DOWN THIS INSTANT!" cried Professor McGonagall. She charged into the mess that was the Gryffindor common room and began sending counter spells at anyone who was suffering from the fight. Fred hid his dog-hand behind his back and whispered to George, "I kind of like this little guy. Think I'll name him Wishes..."

"Now," said McGonagall, no longer needing to yell due to the silence in the air. "Tell me what this is all about," she raised her hand as about 30 different mouths opened to speak at once. "One at a time. You." she pointed at Hermione.

"Ron," all the girls began glaring at him again. "says that boys' lives are easier than girls'."

"That's because it's true!" shouted Ron. Everyone started yelling again until McGonagall silenced them all.

"Ron, why do you and the rest of you boys think this?" she asked. There was a slight ping of annoyance behind her voice that told Ron she agreed with the girls.

"Girls don't have to deal with any of the junk that we do!" The other guys yelled "Yeah!" and the girls yelled "No!"

"You're right, Mr. Weasley." The girls looked at her like she had just betrayed them all and the guys looked shocked yet happy to have the Head of House on their side. "Ladies have their OWN problems to deal with," she snapped, sinking the faces of the guys and putting smiles on the girls' faces.

"Prove it, then!" said Ron, before he could stop himself. McGonagall's eyes widened at his cheek but she continued in a calm manor.

"Prove it? Fine. Who is the couple that started this?" Everyone pointed at Hermione and Ron, who mumbled something like 'we're not a couple'. She beckoned them up to the front beside her. "I believe a bit of a social experiment is in order."

**Author's Note: So that was chapter one. Reviews are always appreciated but no pressure. :-D Chapter 2 will be up soon, depending on how much of response I get.**


	2. The Social Experiment

**Author's Note: I would have waited longer to upload chapter two, but I did promise a fan yesterday that I would update today. So that's what I'm doing, I keep my promises. :-D Thankyou to everyone who reviewed and junk. ;-D**

**This chappie is kind of short but the next one is a long one. Don't worry.**

Chapter 2: The Social Experiment

Everyone, boys and girls, looked confused. McGonagall continued, "Both groups say that their gender has it harder than the other, let us test this theory. Ladies, I want you to make a list of all the usual problems girls your age have." The girls squealed in excitement and began chattering. "Gentlemen, you will do the same, but for the problems of boys. Understand, I want these lists to be thoroughly honest and true. Do not just make up problems in order to watch the other 'team' suffer," she glanced at Fred and George, who were smiling mischievously. "Understand?" everyone nodded but Seamus raised his hand. "A question, Mr. Finnigan?"

"Yeah, can we have team names?"

Several girls made a noise like 'tsch' and rolled their eyes. "Why can't we just be Boys versus Girls?" asked Ginny.

"Because team names are more fun, duh! It helps to unify it's members," Seamus said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Fine, at the top your lists, write your team name," McGonagall said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Just then Hermione began to wonder why she and Ron were still standing up there when her question was answered. "As for you two," Ron gulped. "You'll be the most important people on your teams and in this experiment." Everyone stopped talking and writing, some had already begun making the lists, and returned their attention to their professor. "Everyone, watch carefully, state your names," she said to Ron and Hermione.

"Hermione Granger," she said confidently in her feminine voice.

"Erm, Ron Weasley," he said warily in his deep one.

"Very good. Now," she raised her wand up and cast an apparently difficult non-verbal spell on Ron and Hermione. Everyone in the room gasped. Ron and Hermione felt their bodies tingling but weren't sure what was the cause of it. "State your names once more, please."

"Uh, Hermione Granger?" She gasped too as her voice was now low and mannish. She stared at the shocked faces of her fellow girls.

"R-Ron W-Weasley?" he stuttered, then he cleared his throat, thinking that the girly voice he now had was probably just something caught in his throat, "Ron Weasley." The sound that came from his mouth didn't change and he looked at the expression on his friends' faces for some indication of what was wrong with him.

"As you can see, I have preformed a gender switching spell on Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley," said McGonagall knowingly to the crowd.

"G-g-gender switching? You mean, you took away my man-hood?" Ron asked. Several people laughed while many guys shook their heads solemnly. Hermione sighed and was unsure of what to make of the situation upon her. "So, now I have a...a..."

"Yes, Ron. You have a vagina and I have a penis. Deal with it," snapped Hermione. The entire room roared with laughter at Hermione's straight forwardness. Even McGonagall chuckled softly before quickly regaining her composure.

"Yes, Mr. Weasley, that is now the case. You'll find that you and Miss Granger are both exactly atomically correct for your new gender," said McGonagall, giving Ron and Hermione the once over and deciding that they were indeed correct.

Ron looked like he was about to pass out, Hermione looked as though she had just been slapped in the face and was trying -- and failing -- to hide her discomfort, and everyone else was still in disbelief but a few were gradually managing to come around.

"Wait, Professor, I don't understand. What are the lists for?" asked Ron groggily.

"Ron, isn't it obvious?" said Hermione sternly. "We each take the list made by the opposite team and have to go through the stuff they've put on it as the 'common problems'."

"Yes, that would be correct. When you are done with your lists I would like you to bring them to me," McGonagall said to the room. "And before you ask, Miss Granger," for Hermione had opened her mouth to speak. "Yes, you and Mr. Weasley are allowed to help make the lists."

Hermione smiled and closed her mouth, her question answered.

"While you make your lists, I'll comprise a set of rules to follow. See you all when you are done." On that parting note, she left the Gryffindor common room to go and make the list of rules. The second she had stepped out of the portrait hole, the immense amount of talking was nearly unbearable.

The girls all began crowding around Hermione, trying to examine every inch of her, wondering what they would look like as boys. Hermione's medium length, brown hair was now cut short, with bangs ending at her eyebrows and sweeping on the side (a/n basically Draco's hair in third year movie, only brown, I love Draco's hair!). Her face was mostly the same but her jaw line had become more noticeably square and her eyelashes and brows slightly more furry. She, of course, no longer had breasts, and her stomach, arms, and legs had hardened a bit. Her feet and hands increased in size. She would've been a very cute boy except for the fact that she was still wearing girls clothing. She decided to worry about clothes later.

The guys were a bit wary of Ron. Harry was the first to come up and bring him back to the group where they had written a few thing down on their list.

"So, Ron...How do you feel?" asked Harry, surveying his friend's new body.

"I'd feel a lot better if you all would stop staring at my chest," Ron said jokingly. The other guys laughed and a few blushed. Ron now had wavy red hair that came down about two inches past his shoulders. His muscles were not as defined as before and he felt his butt get a bit bigger. His nose got a little smaller and more pointed. His eyelashes grew darker and his brows had a definite arch. His fingers thinned and the hair on his legs seemed to have singed away. He wasn't gorgeous but he wasn't bad looking, he too would look better once he had proper clothing. "So, erm, this list, what are we doing for it?"

**Author's Note:  
A Question for you all: How many of you like Ron/Hermione ships? How many just don't care? How many people will send me hate mail if it ends up that way? I just thought I should ask before I act. lol. If you think I'm just trying to get people to leave reviews, feel free to PM me. Thanks again.**


	3. The Lists

**Author's Note: This is kinda a set up chapter but it's still funny. The competition really starts next chapter. The sooner you review, the sooner i'll update. ;-D**

Chapter 3: The Lists

"Well," said Neville, stepping forward with the paper in his hands. "So far we've written 3 things that we all agree on. We need to think..." The guys all looked at the floor in concentration while the girls were practically screaming out their problems to the world.

"GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS!" yelped Hermione, she withdrew slightly at the shock of her new, deeper voice. "Yes, erm, we need to do this in a quiet, organized manner. Understand?" Several girls giggled and everyone nodded their heads in agreement. "Okay, the first thing we need is..."

About 3 hours later, both teams had finished their lists and chosen team names.

"Well, WE have finished, I don't know about you boys," crooned Hermione.

"It just so happens that we're done too," replied Ron, a certain competitiveness in his (her) voice.

The girls glared at the guys, the guys glared back at the girls. Suddenly, in the midst of the glaring, Ginny yelled, "GIRLS WILL GET THERE FIRST!" She grabbed the list from Hermione's hands and took off running at the portrait hole. The girls took off after her and the guys stood for a moment before screaming at Ron to go. They shoved him to the front and soon he was neck and neck with Ginny, sprinting down the corridors waving her list in the air.

"Hey, Ginny. Don't trip!" shot Ron, panting as they ran, their teams running about 25 feet behind them.

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Ginny replied with a smirk, she slapped Ron on the arm. Ron was about to say something back when he heard a shout from a random boy on the side of the corridor, just as they were about to pass them, "OI! CHICK FIGHT!"

"What?" Ron stopped dead in his tracks and turned back to the saucy Ravenclaw boy. "What did you call me?"

"Um, a chick? What's with the outfit, sweetheart?" he said, he chuckled at Ron who was growing red in the face. He looked like he was about to punch him when Harry grabbed his arm running passed and dragged him back into the race.

"Ron, you ARE a girl now! Hurry the hell up!" Harry yelled and shoved him forward until he was a mere 5 feet behind Ginny. Just 20 feet from the door, they ran, they slid and--

"HA! Girls are already winning!" Ginny yelled. The girls began cheering and pulled her off the ground while a few of the guys went over and smacked Ron up the back of his head. Then Harry stepped forward and helped him off the floor and back into the group. Ginny handed the list to Hermione, feeling that since she (he) was the leader, she (he) should be the one to turn it in. Hermione stepped forward and knocked on McGonagall's office door. She instantly opened it and stepped outside into the corridor with two pieces of parchment in her hand as well.

"We're done, Professor," said Hermione. "Both teams are done."

"Excellent. Give them here," she held out her hand and took the lists from each team. "Now, I feel we should read each list, mine included, out loud, that way if there are any injustices we can fix them now, before we've begun." She cleared her throat. "We'll start with the girls' list, shall we?

"Team Name: Adamo (a few boys snorted at this and received nasty looks. )

Problems:  
1. Liking a boy who doesn't like you back because he's probably out of your league.  
2. Comparing yourself to other girls 3. Embarrassment in front of guys 4. That time of the month 5. Appearance 24/7 6. Dealing with guys who like you when you're out of their league 7. Jealousy 8. Dealing with mean girls ("A.K.A. biotches," giggled Lavender to Parvati)  
9. Peer pressure/Trying to be popular

"Well," she continued. "Does anyone have a problem with any of these?" Nobody said anything, but some of the guys looked like they were really trying to figure out what all of it meant. "Good, and now the boys' list,

"Team Name: Black Stallion (Professor McGonagall rolled her eyes and thought she heard some girl whisper "Sounds sexy".)

Problems:  
1. Trying to ask out a girl you fancy 2. Embarrassing yourself in front of girls 3. Keeping your girl happy without her getting all mad at you over nothing 4. Fights 5. Jealousy 6. Girl dreams (guys and girls blushed)  
7. Trying to match up to the same level as other guys 8. Self control with girls 9. Pressure and popularity"

She paused and waited to see if anyone had anything to say. A 5th year girl named Ashley raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Munc? (a/n pronounced Moon-SAY, it's Frenchish)"

"I was just wondering who came up with the name Black Stallion?" she asked, searching through the boys with her eyes. Cautiously, Neville raised his hand and smiled with shocked eyes when Ashley winked at him playfully.

"Yes, well...Now then, the rules, if there are no more questions," McGonagall began, glancing over the crowd. "Very good. I've made a copy for each team," she handed the rules to Ron and Hermione. "The rules:

1. No cheating. That means no sabotage or trickery of any sort (she stole a look at Fred and George again.)

2. Because the rules on the lists are all different, I'm going to rearrange them so that they go in an order where Miss granger and Mr. Weasley will be doing the most similar tasks at the same time." She gave a wave of her wand over the lists so they rearranged themselves the way she wanted.

"3. Your team mates may only help you to a certain extent, there is a line and I will know when you have crossed it.

4. Do not tell the other houses about this, I have spoken with the headmaster and he agrees that this is a good learning opportunity but he does not wish to test it on the other houses and feels it will be better if they do not know that these two are really Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger.

5. You still have to do all of your studies. (Ron groaned but Hermione did not look surprised) That is all. Any questions?" asked McGonagall yet again. This time it was Parvati who raised her hand.

"If we're not supposed to tell anyone who they really are, what are we supposed to call them, Professor. I mean, we can't keep calling them Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, people will know."

McGonagall nodded her head along with most everyone else. "I see your point, well then, we need names. Any suggestions?"

Girls started jumping up with names for Hermione and Ron but most of the guys just chose to laugh at Ron who looked miserable.

McGonagall silenced them all with her hand and turned to face Hermione and Ron. "What names would you like?"

"Well," said Ron. "I've always liked the name Eleanor..." This suggestion was greeted with 'boo's and 'no's from the crowd. Ron grumbled, "Fine, what names do you lot want me to have?" Before the noise could get going McGonagall took action.

"That's enough, I'll choose the name. Ron Weasley is now Veronica Wesley." Ron sighed and nodded in acceptance. "Miss Granger, what about you?"

"I think she should be Herman!" shouted Ginny. "That was my dead rabbit's name!"

"No offense, Ginny, but I'm not going to be named after a dead rabbit if I have the choice. I happen to like the name Henry," said Hermione affirmatively.

"Fine then!" Ginny snapped back. "BE Henry, see if I care!"

"Good, We have Miss Veronica Wesley and Mr. Henry Grant. You can start tomorrow. When you have both completed your lists, I would like you all to come and see me together." With that, she turned and went back into her office while the crowd made it's way back to the Common Room, newly ordered lists in hand.

Back in the common room, both teams studdied their newly ordered lists. The number ones had not been moved, therefore, the first problem for the boys was liking a boy who doesn't like you back because he's probably out of your league.

Team Black Stallion stared at the first problem 'Veronica' was set to face.

"Well, er, Veronica, um, erm," Harry said with much difficulty.

"You know what? Let's just call you Ronni," suggested Neville.

"Good idea, Neville," said Seamus. Neville basked in the glow of his compliment. He had come up with quite a few good ideas recently.

"So, Ronni," said Harry, holding their list in his hands. "First you have to deal with liking a guy who doesn't like you back because he's probably out of your league." Harry had an incredulous look on his face. "What kind of crap problem is that?"

The other guys shrugged.

"Whatever. So...um...who do you fancy, Ronni?"

Ron blushed and glanced quickly over to the girls, then shot his attention back to his team. "No one. Especially not any boys!" he blurted.

The others chuckled and Fred stepped forward. "Well, it can't be one of us, that's too easy. Besides, how would we choose? We're all out of your league."

Ron put his hands on his new hips as if preparing to dish out a lecture then, realizing what he was doing, put his hands down and grumbled.

Neville suddenly sat up as if coming out of an epiphany. "What about the girls?"

"What about them?"

"Why don't we let them pick. Then we can choose the girl that Hermi--er, Henry, will have a crush on too." Neville beamed but the other guys looked unsure. "We could at least try it."

"Sure, Neville," said Harry encouragingly.

They rose and began walking over to the girls, who were deep in conversation.

"Well, it can't be one of us, too easy," Lavender mumbled.

"What about the new girl?" suggested Parvati.

"The American? She scares me..." said Hermione nervously, feeling very out of place in her new body.

Just then, they noticed the boys standing there and turned to them. "Yes?" asked Hermione to Ron, standing in the front.

"We, er, were wondering--" Ron began.

"We have a propisition for you," Neville broke in. It was his idea and it needed to be delivered properly. "How about, we choose your girl and you choose our boy?"

The girls drew into a huddle and furious whispering was heard as they talked over the plan. Eventually, Hermione fell out of the huddle and said, "Alright, we know who we choose. What about you?"

The boys looked shocked and drew up a huddle of their own, they decided much more quickly. "Ready," said Ron.

"Fine," said Hermione. Several girls giggled behind her. "We pick Draco Malfoy."

"You can't be serious?" Ron blurtly in disbelief.

"It's Malfoy or deals off," Hermione added.

Ron glared daggers at her and grunted in hesitant aggreement. "Then we pick Mary Sue Parker."

Hermione's eyes flashed with anger but she (he) managed to maintain her composure. "Fine then."

"Well, fine then," said Neville loudly.

Hermione squinted at him.

"I think one of you should lone Ronni some clothes, she can't go around dressed like this," stated Harry quickly. He surveyed Ron who looked very silly wearing boys day clothes, but not nearly as silly as Hermione, being a boy in girls clothes.

Several girls nodded in agreement and Ginny went up to the dorms to retrieve some clothes and Fred, determining that Hermione was now about his size, went to his dorm as well, the sound of a puppy's bark trailing after him.

A few minutes later, they returned with bundles of appropriate clothing and gave them to their new temporary owners.

"We're going to go work out a strategy, see you boys tomorrow when it begins," said Hermione. The girls began going up the stairs, only to have them turn into a slide teh second Hermione's feet touched them.

"Bloody hell!" she shrieked as she tumbled back, followed by several others. "Great, so we have to switch dorms too? This is bloody fantastic!" she hissed, then stalked off up the boys' staircase.

"Erm, talk to you tomorrow, Ronni," Harry said. The boys went up the stairs as well, leaving Ron to find Hermione's dorm on his own.

**Author's Note:  
The sooner you review, the sooner I'll update. :-D**


	4. The First of Nine

**Author's Note: This is kinda short but I hope you enjoy the awkwardness of it all. lol.**

**IMPORTANT: Okay, lots of people are asking me who Mary Sue is. Mary Sue is a term used for the perfect made up character. Mary Sue is perfect, popular, pretty, smart, and has a very cool name. She usually ends up with Harry or Ron or somebody loving her. She has a brother named Gary Stu, he's exactly like her but a boy...and he's not in my fanfic. lol. Hope that helped. :-D**

Chapter 4: The First of Nine

After a fitfull, awkward night in the wrong dorms, Ron and Hermione trailed downstairs to the common room, followed shortly by the rest of their teams.

"So, erm, how did you sleep?" Ron asked, trying to be friendly dispite the competition at hand.

Hermione eyed him strangely, he really was a pretty girl. "Bad. You?"

"Yeah, yeah. The same..." he trailed off awkwardly.

"Enough chit-chat," said Ginny forcefully. "I think today we should start the first one but it should last the entire competition. Crushes don't just come and go in one day." Several people sighed knowingly and glanced longingly at others before returning their attention to Ron and Hermione.

"That sounds good..." Ron grumbled, he was very tired, too tired for this nonsense he had gotten himself into. Hermione agreed as well.

"So, let's go!" stated Neville. With that, the two teams stood and left for the Great Hall. For a while, all was peaceful. However, the tension between the teenage Gryffindors was thick enough to choke you if you were unfortunate enough to be caught in it. Dumbledore, taking notice of this, meerly smiled and stared back and forth between 'Ronni' and 'Henry', chuckling to himself the whole time, waiting for something interesting to happen.

It wasn't long before something did. Just as Ron was starting in on his third helping, Lavender kicked him under the table and Harry pointed to the door. About to stroll right past the Gryffindor table, was none other than Draco Malfoy. The girls stared at Ron, waiting to see what he'd do.

"Veronica, you _must_ do something," hissed Hermione. "That's what girls do."

Ron looked utterly bewildered. "W-what should I say?" he stammered, Draco growing closer every second.

"Tell him his hair looks nice today," said Ginny softly. "Go!"

Just as Draco was about to pass by, Ron whipped around and accidentally tripped him with his feet. For a moment, Ron just smirked until he remembered what he should be doing. He pulled Draco up off the ground and looked him in the eye.

"Bloody hell, woman! You could've killed me! Stupid, clumsy Gryffindors!"

Ron suddenly found himself speachless. He opened his mouth but no words came out.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" snapped Draco.

Up at the staff table, Dumbledore and McGonnagall stared, quite amused, at the scene.

Ron looked at the others, who simply turned away pointedly until he turned back to Draco. Ron's face burned, he could feel what seemed to be the eyes of the entire Great Hall on him, his face growing redder by the second, until finally he blurted, "I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR TODAY, DRACO!"

If anyone hadn't been staring before, they were now. Draco looked at the strange red-headed girl infront of him like she was Satan. "I don't even KNOW who you are," he shot, and then he scurried back to the Slytherin table at high speed, glaring over his shoulder at poor, red-faced Ron.

Ron turned back to his table and stared, open-mouth, at them all. Hermione smiled and laughed along with the rest of the girls, the guys bowing their heads in laughter and slight disappointment. Quite suddenly, Ron felt his face getting hot again and his eyesbegin to water, so he took this moment to jolt out of the Great Hall faster than he had ever run before.

The laughter died down shortly and Harry got up to follow, not knowing what he was going to say to make his overly emotional bestfriend stop crying. After searching for a while and sending girls up to the dormitories to find him, Harry eventually managed to get Ron into the common room, his (her) face streaked with tears.

"It wasn't that bad, mate," Harry said softly.

"It was horrible, Harry! And this stupid spell is messing with my mind, I can't stop crying!" He sobbed again into a pillow on the couch. "Who knew it was THAT terrible just to TALK to the boy you fancy! And I don't even really fancy him! It's all the stupid spell! WAAAAAAH!!"

Harry stared wide-eyed, as he struggled to come up with something consoling to say. "Well, er, he probably won't even remember you. I mean, he doesn't even know your name--"

"Harry! That doesn't make me feel better! It makes me feel **WORSE**! Draco doesn't even know **I EXIST**!" he screamed. Ron picked up the pillow he was crying into and chucked it viciously at Harry, just missing. "You **SUCK**, Harry!" Then he ran upstairs to go hide in his new dorm.

Meanwhile, back in the Great Hall, everyone involved were chatting merrily. Eventually, Mary Sue stepped into the Great Hall and began her usual breath-taking walk over to the Ravenclaw table. Hermione, seeing the attention of most of the guys become diverted to her, joined them in the staring. Realizing quickly (being as smart as she was) that this wasn't doing anything to get her noticed, she stood up and shouted, "Mary Sue, you look lovely today!" Hermione's voice cracked as she yelled and she immediately plopped back down in her embarrassment, ruining the possible effect it would've had if she had stayed standing and winked at her like she had intended.

Mary Sue looked around just in time to see a good-looking brunette boy sit down low in his seat at the Gryffindor table. She cocked an eyebrow, shook her head, and took her seat as well, giggling with her girlfriends and gesturing over her shoulder.

"Nice one, Henry," said Ginny sarcastically. Hermione bit her lower lip but, instead of tears, her face merely burned and she felt hot anguish build up inside her.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

**Author's Note:  
Thanks for all the reviews and crap everyone! Love you all!**


	5. The Second of Nine

**Author's Note:**

**Here you go, people. Working on chapter 6 as I type.**

Chapter 5: The Second of Nine

After a couple days of Ron moaping about, basically 'depressed' about life, and Hermione turning beat-red every time Mary Sue was even brought up in conversation, they decided is was about time to go on to the next problem.

Ron walked into the common room, quite pale, and took a seat in one of the comfiest arm chairs, joining the rest of Black Stallion and Adamo.

"What's wrong now, Ronni?" Neville asked him from the couch he was sharing with Harry. Ron turned to him, his eyes red from the rubbing and crying.

"I saw Draco again today. His hair was even better this time," he sighed. "He saw me, and all he did was roll his eyes and look away. Do you think he knows I fancy him?" His eyes were wide with fear.

"No freakin' duh," said Harry, his sensitivity for the matter had long ago evaporated.

Ron glared at him and bit his lip. "You su--"

"I suck, okay, I know, you've already told me!" he snapped. Ron indignantly turned away and crossed his arms. Neville sat in between them, very awkwardly thinking about how fun it must be to be Herbology Professor, until Hermione came down the stairs to interrupt his fantasy and Ron and Harry's battle.

"So," she said plainly, the usual excited sparkle barely present. "What are we doing today?" She plopped down on the floor and leaned against Ginny's legs.

"Number 2," read Lavender, "Embarrassment infront of guys or girls."

Hermione looked up incredulously. "What? Haven't we already accomplished that?"

Ron nodded sadly but everyone else shook their heads. "You know that we've barely scratched the surface of embarrassment!" cried Fred.

"Yeah, you've been in loads more embarrassing situations than the Draco debacle, Ronnikins," added George. "Hmm, the name's just not as funny when he's girl, is it?" he whispered to Fred, who shook his head in defeat.

"Fred and George are right, I suppose," said Ron.

"Agreeing with an insult? Wow, you really are depressed," said Neville, joining the group now that his fantasizing was over.

"Rrrrright," said Hermione. "What do we have to do?"

"Everybody but Ronni and Henry come with me," called Lavender. "I've got an idea."

Everyone but Ron and Hermione got up and went with Lavender up to the boys dorms for a chat.

"So," Ron said eventually. "Erm, how are you?"

"How do you think I am?" snapped Hermione.

"Sorry! Jeeze, just trying to make some conversation." He turned away from her.

"Being a guy isn't bad at all," said Hermione. "I'm actually enjoying it." She was, of course, lying through her teeth.

Ron looked shocked. "You are?"

"Yep."

"Yeah, um, me too. It's loads of fun being a girl." He laughed nervously.

"Well good. We're both happy."

"That we are."

"We are what?" asked Harry as he came back down, followed by everyone else.

"Happy," said Hermione stiffly.

"Whatever...We decided how to go about this."

Lavender stepped forward. "For this one problem, we all came together to think of embarrassing situations for you guys to end up in."

"Hooray," cheered Hermione half-heartedly.

"What's first?"

After a few moments of explaining and a very sleepless night, the day finally came for the embarrassment everyone was waiting for, Hermione and Ron, looking possitively misserable. Unusually, so did Harry. Everyone else, however, seemed absolutely filled withexcitement and anticipation.

The time was to be sometime during their Double Potions with the Slytherins. That time was now.

Harry, reluctantly, took a seat next to Hermione at table. Hermione was no more willing to do what they were going to do than he was. It was only a few moments before everyone was in their positions and Snape entered in his usual abhorrent, way, his cloak billowing behind him.

He tapped the board with his wand and instructions appeared. "Today you will make for me a remedie to relieve hair frizz. Begin." With that, he glided to his seat behind his desk and began to intensly read a rather large book with a very orange paper cover.

As the minutes went by, the tension and anxiety in the room only increased. Harry kept stealing sideways glances at Hermione who looked as if she'd never been more unhappy in her life. Every now and then, the other 6th years who were participating in the competition and awkwardness would look over at their table, then check the time.

"One minute," murmered Harry to Hermione.

"I know," she snapped quietly.

"50 seconds."

"I know."

"20 seconds, Henry..."

"I know."

"5 sec--"

"I KNOW."

The entire classroom, or at least all the Gryffindors, fell silent for those five seconds.

5: Hermione sighed deeply.

4: Harry looked at her (him).

3: Harry mumbled something.

2: Hermione said something back.

1: Harry looked shocked...

"NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU HENRY!"

Everyones' heads shot up as if someone had just yelled out Avada Kedavra. Half the class faked shock while the other half stared at Harry, then Hermione, then Harry, then back again.

"Oh my..." Snape said quietly.

The Slytherins couldn't have possibly found it more funny than they did. All it took was one person to start laughing and the entire room followed suit.

Hermione, red as a fur coat after an encounter with an angry P.E.T.A. member, stood up suddenly and rushed from the room at lightening speed. The laughter echoed in the corridor after her. Draco nearly peed himself and actually managed to stutter out, "Nice one, Potter." before Snape settled the class back into their work mode, a small snicker being heard every now and then from someone who couldn't hold it in in the afterglow.

Harry looked relieved but on the other side of the room, Ronni, looking exceptionally uncomfortable around the chest area, and Lavender were working away on their potions. Everything was quiet again, until...

HISSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! BOOM!!

A small, empty vial lay discarded on the floor and Lavender was backed away about 25 feet. Ronni stood, stiff as a board, as his school shirt disintegrated into nothing, revealing a lacy orange bra covered in pictures of the little-known magical creature, the Pikachu.

This time, even Harry couldn't help but laugh. The girls laughed hardest of all while the guys were close behind them, some were craning their necks from the front to get a peak.

Snape was too engrossed in the big orange book to notice anything else.

Ronni took the moment to scream at the top of her lungs and flee from the classroom...before noticing the look on Draco's face that seemed to say "Not bad."

**Author's Note:**

**Hahahahahaha. Who knows what Snape was reading?**


	6. The Third of Nine

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry about the long wait. I like making my readers suffer. laughs manically No, no, jk. I've just been busy. So this next problem will be in two parts. Why? Because I wanted to get something posted and I'm too lazy to write the second part of it now. more maniacal laughter**

Chapter 6: The Third of Nine

It had been a day since the embarrassment tasks had been acted out and Hermione and Ron were having some difficulties dealing with the repercussions...

"Hey, Fruity!" was now the most common greeting Hermione heard when she entered a room. That, and a few others too derogative to repeat in this particular story.

Ron was having no easier of time. Three times already he had heard people humming the Pokemon theme song as he walked by. Twice he caught guys staring at his chest area, one of which was Draco much to his delight.

Ron and Hermione were in the Great Hall eating breakfast somewhat cheerfully, and then Ginny, Neville, and Harry came in and sat down next to them. They had woken up early with the intention of avoiding the list holders (or pushy gits as Ron prefered to call them) for the day, so that they might have one day of normality...or, however close to it they could get in their current situation.

"Tried to give us the slip?" asked Harry snidely as he reached for some of delishiously crisp bacon in front of him.

Ron and Hermione avoided their eyes pointedly. Hermione managed to grunt out, "We were just...hungry."

"Yeah, right!" blurted Neville, cowering as Hermione shot him her famous glare. Even as a boy she could scare the crap out of Neville.

"So," said Ron, breaking the awkward moment. "What wonderful adventure in teen drama do Henry and I get to embark on today?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Always the drama queen, aren't we, Ronni?"

"Shove off, Ginny."

"Make me."

Ron looked up from his heaping plate of food (which he piled on despite knowing that his new feminine stomach was ill-prepared for his man-like eating habits), aghast. "Maybe I will."

"Maybe you should." Ginny smirked at him. Ron stood up, red in the face.

"I don't need your bloody attitude right now, Ginny."

"That doesn't mean I'm not going to dish it out."

He stood up and glared at Ginny. "Okay! That's enough!" A few heads were turning now.

"Ronni, sit DOWN," hissed Neville. "You're embarrassing yourself again."

Ron plopped down and hid his face in his hands, exasperated. "I thought we were done with embarrassment."

Neville smiled sympathetically and placed his hand on Ron's shoulder. "Hey, look at the bright side. At least nobody thinks you're gay." He shifted his gaze at Hermione, who flushed red.

"Watch it, Neville. I'm not particularily in the mood for sass today."

Neville gulped, trying to dredge up whatever bravery the sorting hat had apparently seen inside of him. "Well, no more bitch pills for you, Miss Crabby-Ass." He maintained his strong face and even managed to smile at his wit, after scooching away from Hermione as she looked up, red and hot.

"Neville..." She was trying not to explode. Under the table her fist clenched.

"Which brings us to our next problem!" interjected Harry quickly, thankfully saving Neville from Hermione's man-wrath. "Fights and mean girls."

"Oh great! And here I was hoping to have a pleasant day!" screeched Ron.

"Do--do I have to fight someone?" Hermione stuttered out very unmanly.

"Maybe, maybe not. It depends on who you decide to pick a fight with," said Ginny.

Hermione winced at the thought of getting punched. Ron just gulped, he had no idea how mean girls could really be.

"Wait, you mean we get to pick?" asked Hermione eagerly.

"Yeah, so long as we approve, that means no pansies for you, Henry" said Ginny.

"And no timid little daisies for you, Ronni. They have to be people you'd actually want to fight with," said Harry.

Ron and Hermione sighed irritably. "Fine," they mumbled and returned to their food.

"You better do it, if you don't we'll be the ones who'll choose your oponent. Have a lovely morning," said Ginny cheerfully. With that, they left to go about their business, leaving Ron and Hermione to their grumpy thoughts.

They ate...fiercely. Ron actually cracked a tooth he was chewing so furiously, Hermione fixed of course. But not before Draco could walk by, stare at Ron with Hermione's wand in his (her, in Draco's eyes) mouth, and walk away with a sigh.

"Just to make me even more of freak than I already am to Draco!" Ron growled.

Hermione sighed too.

"Enough of the sighing, alright? It's driving me bloody crazy!"

Hermione made a sound like 'pischt' and turned away. "You know," she said after a few minutes of awkward silence, "maybe this problem won't be as bad as we're expecting."

Ron looked baffled (big surprise). "Look, you may want to get hit in the face but I don't,"

Hermione started to sigh again but quickly transformed it into a very unattractive grunt to cover it up. "Just look at this way. I'm mad, and now I get to go hit somebody. Also, maybe I'll finally find out why guys seem to enjoy fights so much..."

Ron raised an eyebrow. "I get what you're saying. This could be good." He smiled and ate another piece of bacon.

"Watch it, Ronni! Don't get too cheerful. How're you supposed to start a fight with someone if you're all rainbows and sunshine?"

"Oh, yeah, right, right!" Ron replied. He shifted his face into an ugly grimace. Hermione laughed at it's ugliness. Then Draco walked by again, looked like he was going to speak to Ronni, cocked an eyebrow, and backed away slowly.

"Awk-ward..." said Hermione. Ron wailed and hit his head hard on the table. "That's the spirit, Ronni! But save the hitting for the fight."

Ron said "UGH!" and looked up again.

"I've got to go, Ronni, but we can meet up later and maybe we can get in our fights at the same time," Hermione said cheerfully. She left the Great Hall and Ron, who was back at the same sadness he had already been feeling.

"Curse my stupid female mood swings," he hissed.

A few hours later, Hermione was sitting in class when Professor McGonagall came in. "Henry Grant, come with me," she said. Hermione got up and followed her into the corridor.

"Something wrong, Professor?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes. Miss Wesley (a/n that's Ron for those of you who don't remember his fake last name) is in the hospital wing, she was asking for you." They continued hussling down the corridor hurriedly.

"Is she okay?" Hermione asked, eyes wide.

"Oh, she'll be fine." McGonagall lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. "In my opinion, I think she's being a bit of a drama queen."

Hermione chuckled and went the rest of the way on her own so McGonagall could get back to her class. When she came in, she gasped. Ron was in a bed with a black eye and a bandage around his head, but even more shocking was the fact that Draco was there too. He said something to Ronni and then strolled past in that upity way that he does.

"What on Earth was he doing here?" Hermione asked.

"McGonagall made him walk me down here while she went to get you."

"Well? What did he say just now?" Hermione's eyes were practically buldging with anticipation.

Ron sat up and cracked his neck. "The real question is: Who did I get in a fight with?"

Hermione waited...waited..."WHO?"

"Pansy Parkinson!"

"For real?"

"Mmmhm," Ron said, trying to give attitude.

"Did you win?"

"Well...not exactly...but I did give her a big red mark on her face!"

"Yeah and it probably faded in two minutes." Hermione said, successfully acheiving the attitude Ron couldn't bring to the table.

"I thought that girl-fights were just slapping! I had no bloody idea that she was going to turn around and start wailing on me!" he exclaimed.

"What did you do to provoke her?" asked Hermione plainly.

"Nothing, really. It was all her fault. She was talking crap about me behind my back and there is no way that I'm going to let some little hussy go around talking smack about me!"

Hermione giggled, in as manly a fashion as a giggle can be, and shook her head.

"What?" Ron protested.

"Nothing it's just...you really are a girl," she said with a smirk.

Ron looked outraged. "Am not! Take it back!"

"Or what, you'll slap me too?" Hermione laughed.

"Just wait, Herm--Henry! It's your turn next and then let's just see if I give you any sympathy!" Ron yelled.

"Whatever, Ronni," she replied, exiting. the last thing she heard was Ron sighing really loudly and then exclaiming "Frick!"

**Author's Note:  
Love you all!!**


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